Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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