Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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