Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
