and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize