I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
