I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
