just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
