i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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