you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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