so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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