the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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