he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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