Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
