No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
