is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
handjob tips. give me some.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
