I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
