I murdered the dance floor call the cops
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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