And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
