im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
