if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
