Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
