i already hear my dad disowning me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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