Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
