I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
