I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
