"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
