got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
