It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
