I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
