i would punch a child for taco bell
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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