just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
