then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
