a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out