Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
