are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
