I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.