you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
