at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy