and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.