dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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