she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
