After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
