The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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