Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
