I'm so fucking centered right now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
