and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
