She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
