I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
