yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
