Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's the barista slut.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
