is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
