its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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