Your face is a jimmy john
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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