After last night, I could never be a politician.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
