And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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