maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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