oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
