i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
