I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
