dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
