Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
