Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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