I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
