sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
