I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
