The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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