fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
