we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
