If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
