why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
