this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
