What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
