You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
