I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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