i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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