I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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