the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
