And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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