Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
