I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
